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Quotations about Sex
There is nothing safe about sex. There never will be. ~Norman Mailer (1923–2007)
Anybody who believes that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach flunked geography. ~Robert Byrne, quoted in 1,911 Best Things Anybody Ever Said, 1988
The tragedy of sexual intercourse is the perpetual virginity of the soul. ~William B. Yeats
Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off. ~Author Unknown
Flies spread disease — keep yours zipped. ~Author Unknown
Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast. ~Woody Allen
Don't knock masturbation — it's sex with someone I love. ~Woody Allen
For the first time in history, sex is more dangerous than the cigarette afterward. ~Jay Leno
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer. ~Swami X
Men get laid, but women get screwed. ~Quentin Crisp
It is bad enough that people are dying of AIDS, but no one should die of ignorance. ~Elizabeth Taylor
When a guy goes to a hooker, he's not paying her for sex, he's paying her to leave. ~Author Unknown
A dirty book is rarely dusty. ~Author Unknown
Sex. In America an obsession. In other parts of the world a fact. ~Marlene Dietrich
When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 a minute. ~Author Unknown
Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things: One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell. The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love. ~Butch Hancock
To hear many religious people talk, one would think God created the torso, head, legs and arms, but the devil slapped on the genitals. ~Don Schrader
The best sex education for kids is when Daddy pats Mommy on the fanny when he comes home from work. ~William H. Masters
There are three possible parts to a date, of which at least two must be offered: entertainment, food, and affection. It is customary to begin a series of dates with a great deal of entertainment, a moderate amount of food, and the merest suggestion of affection. As the amount of affection increases, the entertainment can be reduced proportionately. When the affection is the entertainment, we no longer call it dating. Under no circumstances can the food be omitted. ~Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behaviour
No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens. ~Abraham Lincoln
My reaction to porn films is as follows: After the first ten minutes, I want to go home and screw. After the first 20 minutes, I never want to screw again as long as I live. ~Erica Jong, Playboy Magazine, September 1975
Familiarity breeds contempt — and children. ~Mark Twain
What is commonly called love, namely the desire of satisfying a voracious appetite with a certain quantity of delicate white human flesh. ~Henry Fielding
Sex is God's joke on human beings. ~Bette Davis
Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions. ~Woody Allen
Against diseases here the strongest fence
Is the defensive vertue, abstinence.
~Robert Herrick, "Abstinence"
Life without sex might be safer but it would be unbearably dull. It is the sex instinct which makes women seem beautiful, which they are once in a blue moon, and men seem wise and brave, which they never are at all. Throttle it, denaturalize it, take it away, and human existence would be reduced to the prosaic, laborious, boresome, imbecile level of life in an anthill. ~Henry Louis Mencken
AIDS obliges people to think of sex as having, possibly, the direst consequences: suicide. Or murder. ~Susan Sontag
There's nothing better than good sex. But bad sex? A peanut butter and jelly sandwich is better than bad sex. ~Billy Joel
The natural man has only two primal passions, to get and beget. ~William Osler
The good thing about masturbation is that you don't have to get dressed up for it. ~Truman Capote [Fun fact: An old-timey word for masturbation is "onanism," first brought into use around the mid-1700s.—tεᖇᖇ¡·g]
Sex relieves tension — love causes it. ~Woody Allen
If you use the electric vibrator near water, you will come and go at the same time. ~Louise Sammons
Men wake up aroused in the morning. We can't help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the women are thinking, "How can he want me the way I look in the morning?" It's because we can't see you. We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve. ~Sean Morey
I think I could fall madly in bed with you. ~Author Unknown
Whoever called it necking was a poor judge of anatomy. ~Groucho Marx
Sex is emotion in motion. ~Mae West
Our soules, (which to advance their state,
Were gone out,) hung 'twixt her, and mee....
When love, with one another so
Interinanimates two soules....
Loves mysteries in soules doe grow,
But yet the body is his booke....
~John Donne, "The Extasie"
Why should we take advice on sex from the pope? If he knows anything about it, he shouldn't! ~George Bernard Shaw
I thank God I was raised Catholic, so sex will always be dirty. ~John Waters
For women the best aphrodisiacs are words. The G-spot is in the ears. He who looks for it below there is wasting his time. ~Isabel Allende
Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's one of the best. ~Woody Allen
Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful — provided you get between the right man and the right woman. ~Woody Allen
Literature is mostly about having sex and not much about having children; life is the other way around. ~David Lodge, The British Museum Is Falling Down, 1965
Masturbation: the primary sexual activity of mankind. In the nineteenth century it was a disease; in the twentieth, it's a cure. ~Thomas Szasz
We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation. ~Lily Tomlin
An intellectual is a person who's found one thing that's more interesting than sex. ~Aldous Huxley
The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs less. ~Brendan Francis, Playboy, 1985
The art of procreation and the members employed therein are so repulsive, that if it were not for the beauty of the faces and the adornments of the actors and the pent-up impulse, nature would lose the human species. ~Leonardo da Vinci
I know nothing about sex, because I was always married. ~Zsa Zsa Gabor
Desire is in men a hunger, in women only an appetite. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960
The hypothalamus is one of the most important parts of the brain, involved in many kinds of motivation, among other functions. The hypothalamus controls the "Four F's": fighting, fleeing, feeding, and mating. ~Marvin Dunnette
Sex at age ninety is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. ~George Burns
It is not sex that gives the pleasure but the lover. ~Marge Piercy
Love is a matter of chemistry, but sex is a matter of physics. ~Author Unknown
And there's sparkly-fizz in my nethers whenever she is around. ~Galavant ["Love and Death," S2, E7, 2016], writing credits Robin Shorr, Jeremy Hall, and Dan Fogelman, "Love Makes the World Brand New" sung by Gareth ♫
Sex got me into trouble from the age of fifteen: I'm hoping that by the time I'm seventy I'll straighten it out. ~Harold Robbins
Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960
Conservatives say teaching sex education in the public schools will promote promiscuity. With our education system? If we promote promiscuity the same way we promote math or science, they've got nothing to worry about. ~Beverly Mickins
A widespread taste for pornography means that nature is alerting us to some threat of extinction. ~J.G. Ballard, "News from the Sun," Myths of the Near Future, 1982
You know, of course, that the Tasmanians, who never committed adultery, are now extinct. ~W. Somerset Maugham, The Bread-Winner
"Haven't you been in love since you came to Paris?"
"I haven't got time for that sort of nonsense. Life isn't long enough for love and art."
"....I imagine that for months the matter never comes into your head, and you're able to persuade yourself that you've finished with it for good and all. You rejoice in your freedom, and you feel that at last you can call your soul your own. You seem to walk with your head among the stars. And then, all of a sudden you can't stand it any more, and you notice that all the time your feet have been walking in the mud. And you want to roll yourself in it. And you find some woman, coarse and low and vulgar, some beastly creature in whom all the horror of sex is blatant, and you fall upon her like a wild animal. You drink till you're blind with rage.... I'll tell you what must seem strange, that when it's over you feel so extraordinarily pure. You feel like a disembodied spirit, immaterial; and you seem to be able to touch beauty as though it were a palpable thing; and you feel an intimate communion with the breeze, and with the trees breaking into leaf, and with the iridescence of the river. You feel like God. Can you explain that to me?"
...There was on his face a strange look, and I thought that so might a man look when he had died under the torture. He was silent. I know that our conversation was ended.
~W. Somerset Maugham, The Moon and Sixpence, 1919
Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble. ~John Barrymore
It is not economical to go to bed early to save candles if the result is twins. ~Chinese Proverb
Chastity: The most unnatural of the sexual perversions. ~Aldous Huxley, Eyeless in Gaza, 1936
Obscenity is whatever gives the Judge an erection. ~Author Unknown
Out upon it, I have lov'd
Three whole days together;
And am like to love three more,
If it prove fair weather.
My sexual preference is often. ~Author Unknown
Love ain't nothing but sex misspelled. ~Harlan Ellison
Sex: the pleasure is momentary, the position ridiculous, and the expense damnable. ~Lord Chesterfield
The tragedy is when you've got sex in the head instead of down where it belongs. ~D.H. Lawrence
Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke? ~Rita Rudner
The present subject may seem to trench on the prurient, which in Medicine does not exist, since "science, like fire, purifies everything," and what Macaulay calls the "mightiest of human instincts," is too intimately related to the physical basis of human weal and woe for any physician prudishly to ignore any of its phases. ~Jas G. Kiernan, M.D., "Psychological Aspects of the Sexual Appetite," read before the Chicago Academy of Medicine, 1891 March 13th, reprinted in The Alienist and Neurologist, April 1891 [By the by, this lengthy 19th century article has several case studies of various sexual fetishes, showing us without doubt that a fetish is nothing new under the sun! A few are quite disturbing, and would seem to have been great inspiration for Criminal Minds plots. —tεᖇᖇ¡·g]
Pornography is supposed to arouse sexual desires. If pornography is a crime, when will they arrest makers of perfume? ~Richard Fleischer
Kids in back seats cause accidents, accidents in back seats cause kids. ~Author Unknown
Were kisses all the joys in bed,
One woman would another wed.
One brings none of one's baggage to a one-night stand and that makes it possible to have, once in a while, extraordinary emotions. ~Norman Mailer, "Film," The Spooky Art: Thoughts on Writing, 2003
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand. ~Woody Allen
Isn't it interesting how the sounds are the same for an awful nightmare and great sex? ~From the television show The Golden Girls
Don't worry, it only seems kinky the first time. ~Author Unknown
I am always looking for meaningful one night stands. ~Dudley Moore
It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married. ~Drew Carey
Sex contains all,
Bodies, Souls, meanings, proofs, purities, delicacies, results, promulgations,
Songs, commands, health, pride, the maternal mystery, the seminal milk;
All hopes, benefactions, bestowals,
All the passions, loves, beauties, delights of the earth,
All the governments, judges, gods, follow'd persons of the earth,
These are contain'd in sex, as parts of itself, and justifications of itself.
~Walt Whitman, "A Woman Waits for Me"
Lust will curdle like milk if you don't keep using it up. ~Anonymous Voyeur
My father told me all about the birds and the bees, the liar — I went steady with a woodpecker 'til I was twenty-one. ~Bob Hope
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? ~Murray Banks
Those who have prophesied dreadful consequences as a result of the greater sexual freedom which the young assert — unwanted babies, venereal disease and so on — are usually the very same people who seek the fulfillment of their prophecies by opposing the free availability to the young of contraception and the removal of the stigma and mystification that surround venereal disease. ~Colin Ward, Anarchy in Action
To know the difference between erotica and pornography you must first know the difference between naked and nude. ~Bernard Poulin
Don't do it behind the garden gate.
Love is blind but the neighbors ain't!
An erection is like the Theory of Relativity — the more you think about it, the harder it gets. ~Author Unknown
concave or -vex,
so whatever you dream
will be something with sex.
~Piet Hein, "Dream Interpretation"
Men are those creatures with two legs and eight hands. ~Jayne Mansfield
I'm all for bringing back the birch, but only between consenting adults. ~Gore Vidal
Older women are best because they always think they may be doing it for the last time. ~Ian Fleming
I think men talk to women so they can sleep with them and women sleep with men so they can talk to them. ~Jay McInerney
I'd like to meet the man who invented sex and see what he's working on now. ~Author Unknown
Lust seeks stimulation in pain. ~Michel de Montaigne, 1500s #s&m
A student undergoing a word-association test was asked why a snowstorm put him in mind of sex. He replied frankly: "Because everything does." ~Honor Tracy
How lucky we are that we can reach our genitals instead of that spot on our back that itches. ~Flash Rosenberg
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting. ~Gloria Leonard
Its avowed purpose is to excite sexual desire, which, I should have thought, is unnecessary in the case of the young, inconvenient in the case of the middle aged, and unseemly in the old.~Malcolm Muggeridge, on pornography
Playboy exploits sex the way Sports Illustrated exploits sports. ~Hugh Hefner
sex is interesting but not totally important. I mean, it's not even as important (physically) as excretion. a man can go 70 years without a piece of ass but he can die in a week without a bowel movement. ~Charles Bukowski, Notes of a Dirty Old Man
When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities. ~Matt Groening
There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible. ~P.J. O'Rourke
I regret to say that we of the FBI are powerless to act in cases of oral-genital intimacy, unless it has in some way obstructed interstate commerce. ~J. Edgar Hoover, attributed
Pornography is the attempt to insult sex, to do dirt on it. ~D.H. Lawrence
Love is not the dying moan of a distant violin — it's the triumphant twang of a bedspring. ~S.J. Perelman
A million million spermatozoa,
All of them alive:
Out of their cataclysm but one poor Noah
Dare hope to survive.
My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects. ~Les Dawson
It doesn't matter what you do in the bedroom as long as you don't do it in the street and frighten the horses. ~Mrs. Patrick Campbell
A woman occasionally is quite a serviceable substitute for masturbation. ~Karl Kraus
During sex I fantasize that I'm someone else. ~Richard Lewis
The intellectual element in the human sexual act is ignored by the average moralists, who predicate their conclusions on the purely physical factor. These "moral ideas" have led to attempts to abolish, not control the sexual appetite, and have resulted in sexo-religious mutilations, &c. ~Jas G. Kiernan, M.D., "Psychological Aspects of the Sexual Appetite," read before the Chicago Academy of Medicine, 1891 March 13th, reprinted in The Alienist and Neurologist, April 1891
Never let the little head do the thinking for the big head. ~Author unknown, advice to teenage boys, quoted in Friendly Advice compiled by Jon Winokur
Our love could change the orbit of the earth. So, if a meteor ever comes hurtling towards earth with the guarantee of destruction, top scientists may call on us to, well, you know, do it like crazy for the sake of humankind. ~Author Unknown
Nothing risqué, nothing gained. ~Alexander Woollcott
My cock don't talk politics. ~S.A. Sachs, 2002
Pornography tells lies about women. But pornography tells the truth about men. ~John Stoltenberg
[T]he sexual organs show more character than the actors' faces.... There are phalluses in porno whose distended veins speak of the integrity of the hardworking heart, but there is so little specific content in the faces! Hard core lulls after it excites, and finally it puts the brain to sleep. ~Norman Mailer, c.1973 #porn
To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you're impotent. She can't wait to disprove it. ~Cary Grant
I mean, herpes are one thing, but zømb¡e herpes‽ ~From the movie Zombie Strippers!, 2008, written by Jay Lee, spoken by the character Ian
My message to businessmen of this country when they go abroad on business is that there is one thing above all they can take with them to stop them catching AIDS, and that is the wife. ~Edwina Currie, quoted in The Observer, 1987 February 15th
[T]he common thread that binds nearly all animal species seems to be that males are willing to abandon all sense and decorum, even to risk their lives, in the frantic quest for sex. ~Randy Thornhill and Craig T. Palmer
Last modified 2016 Jan 28 Thu 07:50 PST