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Quotations about Black Friday
and Cyber Monday Shopping



Welcome to the internet's first page of quotations about the insanity known as Black Friday. I must admit that in my younger years I was talked into standing in a couple of 5am lines, but nowadays I just stay home and drink my coffee, in the lovely morning peace and quiet. So however it is you celebrate, ignore, or protest Black Friday and Cyber Monday shopping, I offer you these great quotes on the topic. Enjoy! —tεᖇᖇ¡·g


As you know, Black Friday is the day shoppers go berserk for holiday deals. ~Trey Parker and Matt Stone, South Park, "Black Friday," 2013  [S17, E7]


Here's wishing your Black Friday injuries aren't so severe that you can't click a mouse on Cyber Monday. ~Internet blessing


      Over the weekend, the annual holiday gift-shopping season here in the U.S. got its traditional kick-off on the day after Thanksgiving, known as Black Friday. Today is called Cyber Monday, as people return to their offices after the long Thanksgiving weekend, and take a bit of time to do some online shopping.
      But there’s a new “day” in this post-Thanksgiving period I’m excited about: Giving Tuesday... a day to give back, and to encourage people to give more, give smarter and celebrate the spirit of giving... I hope lots of people will use the reminder to do something meaningful, and it becomes part of the rhythm of this holiday season. ~Bill Gates, "Giving Tuesday: A Day to Give," gatesnotes.com, 2012


Only in America do people trample others for sales exactly one day after being thankful for what they already have. ~Author unknown


Do your Christmas shopping late so as to avoid the early rush. ~20,000 Quips & Quotes by Evan Esar, 1968


As the nation enters the holiday season, the festive mood is dampened by the intrusion of grim reality, as 137 Americans die in vicious predawn aisle-to-aisle combat over deeply discounted post-Thanksgiving Christmas sale items. ~Dave Barry, November 2004, Dave Barry's History of the Millennium (So Far), 2007, davebarry.com


Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television. ~Joan Rivers, c.1989  [And now, of course, the internet! —tεᖇᖇ¡·g]


A Christmas shopper's complaint is one of long-standing. ~Author unknown


Three phrases that best sum up the Christmas season are: Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Men, and Batteries not Included. ~Author unknown


Consumerism has a religious day called Black Friday. ~Jarod Kintz


Christmas comes only once a year,
      Which is lucky, I guess, for me;
      For if it should come more often,
      In the poorhouse I'd surely be!
Money seems to just melt away
      When Christmas begins to draw near;
      For, boy! I surely love to buy
      For those who, to me, are so dear.
I have the best of intentions
      When I go downtown to the store;
      I vow I'll not spend very much,
      But, oh dear, I spend more and more!
~Gertrude Tooley Buckingham, "My Christmas Troubles," 1940s


Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall. We traditionally do this in my family by driving around the parking lot until we see a shopper emerge from the mall, then we follow her, in very much the same spirit as the Three Wise Men, who 2,000 years ago followed a star, week after week, until it led them to a parking space. ~Dave Barry, "Peace on Earth, But No Parking," 1987, davebarry.com


Christmas is a guest that always comes a month before arriving. ~20,000 Quips & Quotes by Evan Esar, 1968  [And now it's three months! —tg]


Only one shopping day left 'til tomorrow. ~Author unknown


The Christmas season is starting to last longer than the basketball season. ~Roasts, Toasts & One-Liners by Gene Perret and Terry Perret Martin, 1997–2001


Christmas is the season when you buy this year's gifts with next year's money. ~20,000 Quips & Quotes by Evan Esar, 1968


Advertising may be described as the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it. ~Stephen Leacock, "The Perfect Salesman: A Complete Guide to Business — The Whole Art of Advertising," The Garden of Folly, 1924


Creditors have better memories than debtors. ~Benjamin Franklin


The other line moves faster. ~Ettorre's Observation, in John Peers, 1,001 Logical Laws..., 1979


Anyone who believes that the competitive spirit in America is dead has never been in a supermarket when the cashier opens another checkout line. ~Gem of the Day in the "Ann Landers" column (Esther Friedman Lederer), 1990


We realize we can't have everything, and so begins the mad scramble to have everything else. ~Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com


If you camp out at the store for a TV, you are a good consumer. If you camp out for social justice, you're a dirty hippie and will be pepper-sprayed. ~Author unknown


REI is closing on Black Friday. You read that correctly. On November 27, we'll be closing all 143 of our stores and paying our employees to head outside. Here's why we're doing it. For 76 years, our co-op has been dedicated to one thing and one thing only: a life outdoors. We believe that being outside makes our lives better. And Black Friday is the perfect time to remind ourselves of this essential truth. We're a different kind of company — and while the rest of the world is fighting it out in the aisles, we'll be spending our day a little differently. We're choosing to opt outside, and want you to come with us. ~Jerry Stritzke, President & CEO, Recreational Equipment, Inc., October 2015, www.rei.com  #OptOutside


An oldtimer is one who remembers when you did not start to shop for Christmas until after Thanksgiving. ~20,000 Quips & Quotes by Evan Esar, 1968


Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice. ~Dave Barry, "Christmas Shopping: Go Knock Yourself Out," 1981, davebarry.com


To perceive Christmas through its wrapping becomes more difficult with every year. ~E. B. White, "Notes and Comment," The New Yorker, 1949 December 24th


I detest... the obscene spending bonanza that nowadays seems to occupy not just December, but November and much of October, too. ~Richard Dawkins, quoted in Randy Kennedy, "An Atheist Can Believe in Christmas," New York Times, 2006


The only gift is a portion of thyself.... it is a cold, lifeless business, when you go to the shops to buy me something which does not represent your life and talent, but a goldsmith's. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson


May Peace be your gift at Christmas and your blessing all year through! ~Author unknown


A hug is a great gift — one size fits all, and it's easy to exchange. ~Author unknown


Stuffocation: being overwhelmed by the stuff one has bought or accumulated. ~Author unknown


Merry Christmas to all. A Pagan holiday (BC) becomes a Religious holiday (AD). Which then becomes a Shopping holiday (USA). ~Neil deGrasse Tyson, @neiltyson, tweet, 2014


Oh, for the good old days when people would stop Christmas shopping when they ran out of money. ~Author unknown





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