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Quotations about College


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ACADEME, n. An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught.
ACADEMY, n. (from academe). A modern school where football is taught.
~Ambrose Bierce


At the end of college a diploma is handed to us and the dark waters of what we don't know surge over our heads... From the dozens of paths which lead out from the acropolis of the college we choose and without quite knowing why we take it — It is like a jump off a diving board, in the first confusion and strangeness of the world under water... Education can only be proven a success if it enables you to strike out under your own power and swim. ~Althea Warren (1886–1958)


If you feel that you have both feet planted on level ground, then the university has failed you. ~Robert Goheen


It takes most men five years to recover from a college education, and to learn that poetry is as vital to thinking as knowledge. ~Brooks Atkinson, Once Around the Sun, 1951


I've never been away to school, but last year a young woman came who had been... in college two years, and she wore herself out... She was very nice and knew a great deal about dead and gone people, and the changes of the earth in all the thousands of years it has been going... ~Amanda M. Douglas, In the Sherburne Line, 1907


A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep. ~W. H. Auden  [And preachers and lecturers, and earlier authors, &c. See quoteinvestigator.com/2014/04/27/sleep-talk —tεᖇᖇ¡·g]


If you're filthy rich, sending your kids to college makes a wonderful soap. ~Robert Orben, 2400 Jokes to Brighten Your Speeches, 1984


College is a great experience and exposes you to a lot of things you might not otherwise learn or experience. You learn to evaluate things, think for yourself, and become a more independent person. Even if you decide not to use your specific degree, college can never be a waste of money if you get something important out of it. Your degree is like money in the bank; it opens up a lot of opportunities for you. ~Steven D. Woodhull (U.S. geologist, b.1976), "Tuition," 1999


I recall snatches of Homer's and Virgil's rhymes of the deep — about the only thing that I carried away from my college life. How stuffy and narrow it seems now! It gave me friends, and taught me how to learn. Perhaps it is enough for a girl. ~Laura L. Livingstone (Herbert Dickinson Ward), Lauriel: The Love Letters of an American Girl, 1901


Mandy Baxter: I'm loving college.... "Cogito, ergo sum."
Mike Baxter: Twenty-five grand so she can figure out whether she exists or not.
~Last Man Standing, "Back to School," 2013, written by Kevin Hench  [S1, E3]


I learned three important things in college — to use a library, to memorize quickly and visually, to drop asleep at any time given a horizontal surface and fifteen minutes. ~Agnes de Mille, Dance to the Piper, 1951


Finals.
The library has never seemed so frantic, panicked.
It isn't haunted anymore
by just the weekend scholars on Sunday afternoons.
Words are read and fall
like water-off-the-mind.
Faces frown and eyes are watery, bloodshot and droopy...
Students study, learn
and perhaps pass.
Notes jumble and blur after 3 a.m.
Heads drop on Othello, Act III,
and bodies sag—
exhausted...
~Ken Sekaquaptewa and Candy St. Jacques, Sahuaro, 1970, yearbook of the Associated Students of Arizona State University


Why is it that colleges never give practical courses, like Laundromat 101? ~Robert Orben, 2400 Jokes to Brighten Your Speeches, 1984


The purpose of primary education is the development of your weak characteristics; the purpose of university education, the development of your strong. ~Nevin Fenneman


The new appears as a minority point of view, and hence is unpopular. The function of a university is to give it a sanctuary. ~Martin H. Fischer


College is the best time of your life. When else are your parents going to spend several thousand dollars a year just for you to go to a strange town and get drunk every night? ~David Wood, unverified


The things taught in schools & colleges are not an education but the means of education. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson, 1831


Life is my college. May I graduate well, and earn some honors! ~Louisa May Alcott, 1859


Standardization is the fertilizer of college education. A little may be useful, but flowers do not grow in pure manure. ~Martin H. Fischer (1879–1962)


Reading, listening, talking, travel, leisure — many different things it seems are mixed together. Life and books must be shaken and taken in the right proportions. A boy brought up alone in a library turns into a book worm; brought up alone in the fields he turns into an earth worm. To breed the kind of butterfly a writer is you must let him sun himself for three or four years at university. ~Virginia Woolf, "The Leaning Tower," 1940  [a little altered —tg]


We are made little wiser, tho much more vain and conceited in the Universitys... The University is the most fertile Nursery of Prejudices, whereof the greatest is, that we think there to learn every thing, when in reality we are taught nothing; only talk by Rote with mighty assurance the precarious Notions of our Systems, which if deny'd by another, we have not a word further to say out of our common Road, nor any Arguments left, to satisfy the Opposer or our selves." ~John Toland (1670-1722)


Every year American colleges and universities graduate a few million liberal arts majors and it's really upgrading our way of life. You don't know what a thrill it is to see your kid filling out an unemployment form in Latin. ~Robert Orben, 2400 Jokes to Brighten Your Speeches, 1984


Even an ass can die with a degree. All it takes is four years and four thousand dollars. ~Martin H. Fischer (1879–1962)


If you have a college degree you can be absolutely sure of one thing — you have a college degree. ~Author unknown


I have a degree in liberal arts. Do you want fries with that? ~Author unknown



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