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 Est. 1998




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Quotations about
Dieting & Losing Weight



Welcome to my collection of quotations about reducing diets and losing weight. When I created this page in the '90s, it was popular. Over the years, the topic has become controversial. Hence, I need a disclaimer now: Please note that these quotes aren't meant to push anyone towards an obsession with being skinny — they're simply wittiness and inspiration for obtaining and maintaining a healthy body. The ideal is to practice moderation and to avoid extremes in eating and in life. Some say: be happy with your body however it is, and others: keep slender. But the best path is to make healthful lifestyle choices while not being too concerned with numbers and sizes; to keep an attitude of wellness by being lighthearted and not weighing ourselves down with worry. After all, laughing burns calories!   SEE ALSO:  EATING HEALTH BODY EXERCISE DESSERTS JUNK FOOD  –ღTerri


...the most beautiful words in the English language are "You've lost weight"... ~Christopher Buckley, "House-Guest Hell," in The New Yorker, 1995


I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me that they are wonderful things for other people to go on. ~Jean Kerr


If you really want to be depressed, weigh yourself in grams. ~Jason Love


When friends tell you how awesome you look, drop the "I still have more to go" crap. You worked hard and you deserve the compliment! ~Jillian Michaels, @JillianMichaels, tweet, 2009


Falstaff. My honest lads, I will tell you what I am about.
Pistol. Two yards, and more.
Falstaff. No quips now, Pistol! Indeed, I am in the waist two yards about; but I am now about no waste; I am about thrift.
~William Shakespeare, Merry Wives of Windsor, c.1600  [I, 3]


Albert Einstein, who discovered that a tiny amount of mass is equal to a huge amount of energy, which explains why, as Einstein himself so eloquently put it in a famous 1939 speech to the Physics Department at Princeton: "You have to exercise for a week to work off the thigh fat from a single Snickers." ~Dave Barry, Dave Barry Turns 50, 1998, davebarry.com


Reality check: you can never, ever, use weight loss to solve problems that are not related to your weight. At your goal weight or not, you still have to live with yourself and deal with your problems. You will still have the same husband, the same job, the same kids, and the same life. Losing weight is not a cure for life. ~Phillip C. McGraw, The Ultimate Weight Solution: The 7 Keys to Weight Loss Freedom, 2003


The human body is composed
Of head and limbs and torso,
Kept slim by gents
At great expense,
By ladies, even more so...
~Ogden Nash (1902–1971), "Just a Piece of Lettuce and Some Lemon Juice, Thank You"


Scale... you always have to be the loudmouth of the party who tells everyone's secrets. ~Corey Phelps, on Too Large, 2021  [S1, E2]


The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books — how not to eat what you've just learned how to cook. ~Andy Rooney, 1982


Every time
You take a beating,
You try to make it up
      By eating
~Lila Perl, Hey, Remember Fat Glenda?, 1981  [hashtag emotional eating —tg]


When dieting, avoid all sweets,
No matter if they're yummy;
They may melt inside your mouth—
But they firm up on your tummy!
~Robert Orben, 2400 Jokes to Brighten Your Speeches, 1984


Eat sensibly, and remember the saying, "A second on the lips is a lifetime on the hips." ~Saying, c. 1930s  [BarryPopik.com. Later: "A moment on the lips, forever on the hips." —tg]


Hang a bikini from a shelf in your refrigerator as a reminder of "a moment on the lips, forever on the hips" when you're tempted to snack. ~Glamour's How to Do Anything Better Book, Nancy Young, ed., 1977


If you hang your bikini
      On the refrigerator door,
The goodies inside
      Will be easier to ignore!
~Lila Perl, Hey, Remember Fat Glenda?, 1981


Do you think there's such a thing as airborne calories? Maybe they just jump directly onto your hips. ~Coupling, "Remember This," original airdate 14 October 2002, written by Steven Moffat, spoken by the character Sally


After years of buying clothes I intend to diet into, I'll say this: the skeleton in my closet has some really nice outfits. ~Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com


Saying yes to the skinny jeans by saying no to the donuts. ~Betsy Cañas Garmon, @wildthyme, tweet, 2009, betsygarmon.com


Remember, Glenda,
I have no doubt
There's a thin you inside
That will get out!
~Lila Perl, Hey, Remember Fat Glenda?, 1981


It is a hard matter, my fellow citizens, to argue with the belly, since it has no ears. ~Plutarch


Some ladies smoke too much and some ladies drink too much and some ladies pray too much,
But all ladies think that they weigh too much.
They may be as slender as a sylph or a dryad,
But just let them get on the scales and they embark on a doleful jeremiad;
No matter how low the figure the needle happens to touch,
They always claim it is at least five pounds too much...
~Ogden Nash (1902–1971), "Curl Up and Diet"


Life itself is the proper binge. ~Julia Child


To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing. ~Mark Twain


There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable. ~Mark Twain


Eating hot fudge sundaes
In your dreams
Means you won't have to let out
Any more seams!
~Lila Perl, Hey, Remember Fat Glenda?, 1981


Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge. ~Don Kardong


I have dieted continuously for the last two decades and lost a total of 758 pounds. By all calculations, I should be hanging from a charm bracelet. ~Erma Bombeck, "One Size Fits All of What?," I Lost Everything in the Post-Natal Depression, 1973


And govern well thy appetite, lest Sin
Surprise thee, and her black attendant, Death.
~John Milton


To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb


We never repent of having eaten too little. ~Thomas Jefferson, 1825


Thin is happy,
Fat is sappy.
~Lila Perl, Hey, Remember Fat Glenda?, 1981


Although there is much malnutrition in the world, more die in the United States of too much food than of too little. ~John Kenneth Galbraith


My ideal weight is moobless. ~S.A. Sachs


Don't dig your grave with your own knife and fork. ~English proverb


I thought "clean eating" was devouring cupcakes while mopping the floor. ~Internet meme


It's not what you eat but who you are when you eat it. ~Author unknown


Your stomach shouldn't be a waist basket. ~Author unknown


A diet is the penalty we pay for exceeding the feed limit. ~Author unknown


The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good, spit it out. ~Author unknown


People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas. ~Author unknown


Food is fuel, not therapy. ~Author unknown


I keep trying to lose weight — but it keeps finding me! ~Author unknown


I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it. ~Author unknown


The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends. ~Author unknown


If hunger is not the problem, then eating is not the solution. ~Author unknown


Nothing tastes as good as being healthy feels. ~Author unknown


Childhood is that wonderful time of life when all you need to do to lose weight is take a bath. ~Author unknown


The first thing you lose on a diet is your sense of humor. ~Author unknown


Bigger snacks mean bigger slacks. ~Author unknown


Dieting is wishful shrinking. ~Author unknown


A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. ~Author unknown


You can't lose weight by talking about it. You have to keep your mouth shut. ~Author unknown


I think I just ate my willpower. ~Author unknown


Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever. ~Author unknown


I am a nutritional overachiever. ~Author unknown


Instead of focusing on which unhealthy foods to eat less of, concentrate on which healthy foods to eat more of. ~Author unknown


Dieting is not a piece of cake. ~Author unknown


Eat less sugar — you're sweet enough already. ~Author unknown


Calories, n, pl.  Tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes a little bit tighter every night. ~Author unknown


I'm not overweight, I'm undertall. ~Author unknown


Dieters live life in the fasting lane. ~Author unknown


The toughest part of a diet isn't watching what you eat. It's watching what other people eat. ~Author unknown


I'm on a 90-day wonder diet. Thus far, I've lost 45 days. ~Author unknown


I'm in shape. Round is a shape — isn't it? ~Author unknown


Obesity is a condition which proves that the Lord does not help those who help themselves and help themselves and help themselves. ~Author unknown


You think we have troubles now? Can you imagine if worry had calories? ~Robert Orben, 2100 Laughs For All Occasions, 1983





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