The Quote Garden

 I dig old books.

 Est. 1998

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Quotations about
Dieting & Losing Weight

Welcome to my collection of quotations about reducing diets and losing weight. When I created this page in the '90s, it was popular. Over the years, the topic has become controversial. Hence, I need a disclaimer now: Please note that these quotes aren't meant to push anyone towards an obsession with being skinny — they're simply wittiness and inspiration for obtaining and maintaining a healthy body. The ideal is to practice moderation and to avoid extremes in eating and in life. Some say: be happy with your body however it is, and others: keep slender. But the best path is to make healthful lifestyle choices while not being too concerned with numbers and sizes; to keep an attitude of wellness by being lighthearted and not weighing ourselves down with worry. After all, laughing burns calories!   SEE ALSO:  EATING HEALTH BODY EXERCISE DESSERTS JUNK FOOD  –ღTerri

...the most beautiful words in the English language are "You've lost weight"... ~Christopher Buckley, "House-Guest Hell," in The New Yorker, 1995

I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me that they are wonderful things for other people to go on. ~Jean Kerr

If you really want to be depressed, weigh yourself in grams. ~Jason Love

When friends tell you how awesome you look, drop the "I still have more to go" crap. You worked hard and you deserve the compliment! ~Jillian Michaels, @JillianMichaels, tweet, 2009

Falstaff. My honest lads, I will tell you what I am about.
Pistol. Two yards, and more.
Falstaff. No quips now, Pistol! Indeed, I am in the waist two yards about; but I am now about no waste; I am about thrift.
~William Shakespeare, Merry Wives of Windsor, c.1600  [I, 3]

Albert Einstein, who discovered that a tiny amount of mass is equal to a huge amount of energy, which explains why, as Einstein himself so eloquently put it in a famous 1939 speech to the Physics Department at Princeton: "You have to exercise for a week to work off the thigh fat from a single Snickers." ~Dave Barry, Dave Barry Turns 50, 1998,

Reality check: you can never, ever, use weight loss to solve problems that are not related to your weight. At your goal weight or not, you still have to live with yourself and deal with your problems. You will still have the same husband, the same job, the same kids, and the same life. Losing weight is not a cure for life. ~Phillip C. McGraw, The Ultimate Weight Solution: The 7 Keys to Weight Loss Freedom, 2003

The human body is composed
Of head and limbs and torso,
Kept slim by gents
At great expense,
By ladies, even more so...
~Ogden Nash (1902–1971), "Just a Piece of Lettuce and Some Lemon Juice, Thank You"

Scale... you always have to be the loudmouth of the party who tells everyone's secrets. ~Corey Phelps, on Too Large, 2021  [S1, E2]

The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books — how not to eat what you've just learned how to cook. ~Andy Rooney, 1982

Every time
You take a beating,
You try to make it up
      By eating
~Lila Perl, Hey, Remember Fat Glenda?, 1981  [hashtag emotional eating —tg]

When dieting, avoid all sweets,
No matter if they're yummy;
They may melt inside your mouth—
But they firm up on your tummy!
~Robert Orben, 2400 Jokes to Brighten Your Speeches, 1984

Eat sensibly, and remember the saying, "A second on the lips is a lifetime on the hips." ~Saying, c. 1930s  [ Later: "A moment on the lips, forever on the hips." —tg]

Hang a bikini from a shelf in your refrigerator as a reminder of "a moment on the lips, forever on the hips" when you're tempted to snack. ~Glamour's How to Do Anything Better Book, Nancy Young, ed., 1977

If you hang your bikini
      On the refrigerator door,
The goodies inside
      Will be easier to ignore!
~Lila Perl, Hey, Remember Fat Glenda?, 1981

Do you think there's such a thing as airborne calories? Maybe they just jump directly onto your hips. ~Coupling, "Remember This," original airdate 14 October 2002, written by Steven Moffat, spoken by the character Sally

It is a losing game — buying outfits that you intend to diet into. At some point you have to conclude that the skeleton in your closet is sufficiently dressed. ~Robert Brault,

Saying yes to the skinny jeans by saying no to the donuts. ~Betsy Cañas Garmon, @wildthyme, tweet, 2009,

Remember, Glenda,
I have no doubt
There's a thin you inside
That will get out!
~Lila Perl, Hey, Remember Fat Glenda?, 1981

It is a hard matter, my fellow citizens, to argue with the belly, since it has no ears. ~Plutarch

Some ladies smoke too much and some ladies drink too much and some ladies pray too much,
But all ladies think that they weigh too much.
They may be as slender as a sylph or a dryad,
But just let them get on the scales and they embark on a doleful jeremiad;
No matter how low the figure the needle happens to touch,
They always claim it is at least five pounds too much...
~Ogden Nash (1902–1971), "Curl Up and Diet"

Life itself is the proper binge. ~Julia Child

To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing. ~Mark Twain

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable. ~Mark Twain

Eating hot fudge sundaes
In your dreams
Means you won't have to let out
Any more seams!
~Lila Perl, Hey, Remember Fat Glenda?, 1981

Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge. ~Don Kardong

I have dieted continuously for the last two decades and lost a total of 758 pounds. By all calculations, I should be hanging from a charm bracelet. ~Erma Bombeck, "One Size Fits All of What?," I Lost Everything in the Post-Natal Depression, 1973

And govern well thy appetite, lest Sin
Surprise thee, and her black attendant, Death.
~John Milton

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb

We never repent of having eaten too little. ~Thomas Jefferson, 1825

Thin is happy,
Fat is sappy.
~Lila Perl, Hey, Remember Fat Glenda?, 1981

Although there is much malnutrition in the world, more die in the United States of too much food than of too little. ~John Kenneth Galbraith

My ideal weight is moobless. ~S.A. Sachs

Don't dig your grave with your own knife and fork. ~English proverb

I thought "clean eating" was devouring cupcakes while mopping the floor. ~Internet meme

It's not what you eat but who you are when you eat it. ~Author unknown

Your stomach shouldn't be a waist basket. ~Author unknown

A diet is the penalty we pay for exceeding the feed limit. ~Author unknown

The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good, spit it out. ~Author unknown

People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas. ~Author unknown

Last year's resolution was to lose 20 pounds by Christmas. Only 30 pounds to go. ~Author unknown

Food is fuel, not therapy. ~Author unknown

I keep trying to lose weight — but it keeps finding me! ~Author unknown

I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it. ~Author unknown

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends. ~Author unknown

Hi, my name is Mike, I'm an overeater... And this is usually the point where I would tell you how much weight I've lost, but I'm not gonna do that. Because it's not about how much I weigh — it's about how I feel. And today I feel pretty damn good... That doesn't mean I'm gonna feel great tomorrow... But I'm gonna keep taking it one day at a time because every day it's a battle... and sometimes the pie wins. But the thing is:  you gotta keep fighting. ~Mike & Molly, "Pie Fight," 2015, teleplay by Rob DesHotel, Michael Glouberman, and Brian Keith Etheridge  [S5, E15]

If hunger is not the problem, then eating is not the solution. ~Author unknown

Nothing tastes as good as being healthy feels. ~Author unknown

Childhood is that wonderful time of life when all you need to do to lose weight is take a bath. ~Author unknown

The first thing you lose on a diet is your sense of humor. ~Author unknown

Bigger snacks mean bigger slacks. ~Author unknown

Dieting is wishful shrinking. ~Author unknown

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. ~Author unknown

You can't lose weight by talking about it. You have to keep your mouth shut. ~Author unknown

I think I just ate my willpower. ~Author unknown

Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever. ~Author unknown

I am a nutritional overachiever. ~Author unknown

Instead of focusing on which unhealthy foods to eat less of, concentrate on which healthy foods to eat more of. ~Author unknown

Dieting is not a piece of cake. ~Author unknown

Eat less sugar — you're sweet enough already. ~Author unknown

Calories, n, pl.  Tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes a little bit tighter every night. ~Author unknown

I'm not overweight, I'm undertall. ~Author unknown

Dieters live life in the fasting lane. ~Author unknown

The toughest part of a diet isn't watching what you eat. It's watching what other people eat. ~Author unknown

I'm on a 90-day wonder diet. Thus far, I've lost 45 days. ~Author unknown

I'm in shape. Round is a shape — isn't it? ~Author unknown

Obesity is a condition which proves that the Lord does not help those who help themselves and help themselves and help themselves. ~Author unknown

You think we have troubles now? Can you imagine if worry had calories? ~Robert Orben, 2100 Laughs For All Occasions, 1983

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published 1998 Mar 18
revised Oct 2020, Aug 2021
last saved 2023 Jan 5