The Quote Garden

 I dig old books.

 Est. 1998

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Quotations about
Driving, Vehicles, Transportation

Welcome to my page of quotations about cars, driving, traffic, commuting, transportation, road rage, vehicles, road safety, etc.  —ღ Terri

An object at rest tends to stay at rest, especially if you're behind it when the light turns green. ~Robert Brault,

Any suburban mother can state her role sardonically enough in a sentence: it is to deliver children — obstetrically once and by car forever after. ~Peter De Vries, in LIFE, 1956

Suburban life is merely motherhood on wheels. ~Peter De Vries, in LIFE, 1956

The civilized man has built a coach, but has lost the use of his feet. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

It takes 8,460 bolts to assemble an automobile, and one nut to scatter it all over the road. ~Author unknown, as seen on a bumper sticker

Most motorcycle problems are caused by the nut that connects the handlebars to the saddle. ~Author unknown

The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. ~Dudley Moore, unverified

A pedestrian is someone who thought there were a couple of gallons left in the tank. ~Author unknown

A pedestrian is a man who missed the payments on his car. ~Bill Holman, "Auto Suggestions," in The Travelers Insurance Company, Thou Shalt Not Kill!, 1935

Leave sooner, drive slower, live longer. ~Author unknown

Hug your kids at home, but belt them in the car. ~Author unknown

A tree never hits an automobile except in self defense. ~Author unknown

Americans are broad-minded people. They'll accept the fact that a person can be an alcoholic, a dope fiend, a wife beater, and even a newspaperman, but if a man doesn't drive, there is something wrong with him. ~Art Buchwald, "How Un-American Can You Get?," Have I Ever Lied to You?, 1966

Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly. ~Author unknown

When buying a used car, punch the buttons on the radio. If all the stations are rock and roll, there's a good chance the transmission is shot. ~Larry Lujack, as quoted in Robert Byrne, The Fifth and Far Finer than the First Four 637 Best Things Anybody Ever Said, 1993

Car sickness is the feeling some persons get when each month's installment comes due. ~The Speaker's Book of Illustrations by Herbert V. Prochnow, 1960

A commuter tie-up consists of you — and people who for some reason won't use public transit. ~Robert Brault,

One time the police stopped me for speeding, and they said "oh, you know the speed limit is 55 miles per hour." I said, "yah, I know, but I wasn't going to be out that long." ~Steven Wright, A Steven Wright Special, 1985,

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. ~Author unknown

Once caught for a parking ticket, I pleaded insanity. ~Steven Wright, A Steven Wright Special, 1985,

Road rage is the expression of the amateur sociopath in all of us, cured by running into a professional. ~Robert Brault,

A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works. ~Bill Vaughan, as quoted in The Reader's Digest, 1976

I'm all about sharing the road with other drivers — as long as they use the part that's behind me. ~Author unknown

Every year it takes less time to fly across the ocean and longer to drive to the office. ~Raymond Duncan, in The Saturday Evening Post, as quoted in The Reader's Digest, 1956

If everything comes your way, you are in the wrong lane. ~Author unknown

It helps if you don't see it as traffic but rather as thousands of individuals resolved to press on another day. ~Robert Brault,

An American is a motorist who spends a lot of money for a garage, and then parks his car outside. ~20,000 Quips & Quotes, Evan Esar, 1968

Anyone driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac. ~Author unknown

The elderly don't drive that badly; they're just the only ones with time to do the speed limit. ~Jason Love

Making a left turn in L.A. is one of the harder things you're going to learn in life. ~Lawrence Kasdan and Meg Kasdan, Grand Canyon (movie), 1991, spoken by the character Mack

Take most people, they're crazy about cars. They worry if they get a little scratch on them, and they're always talking about how many miles they get to a gallon, and if they get a brand-new car already they start thinking about trading it in for one that's even newer. I don't even like old cars. I mean they don't even interest me. I'd rather have a goddam horse. A horse is at least human, for God's sake. ~J. D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye, 1951  [Holden Caulfield —tg]

Recklessness is a species of crime and should be so regarded on our streets and highways. ~Marlen E. Pew, in The Travelers Insurance Company, Thou Shalt Not Kill!, 1935

Nothing has been said, nothing done, which has any meaning to the brazen motorist who is more intent upon arriving at his destination through the exercise of course and inhuman individualism than he is to conserve decent safety for the lives of others, or indeed, his own precious hide. It is a kind of madness, which historians of the future will regard as of a piece with the dare-devil spirit of the American people in this age... The appalling casualty list shames civilization, exceeds all reason, violates all the laws of God and man. ~Marlen E. Pew, in The Travelers Insurance Company, Thou Shalt Not Kill!, 1935

The biggest problem facing motorists today is whiplash. You get it from watching the price of gas go up. ~Robert Orben, 2400 Jokes to Brighten Your Speeches, 1984

The idea that a tax on something keeps anybody from buying it is a lot of "hooey." They put it on gasoline all over the country and it hasn't kept a soul at home a single night or day. You could put a dollar a gallon on and still a pedestrian couldn't cross the street with safety without armor. ~Will Rogers, 1932

I used to work for the factory where they make hydrants, but you couldn't park anywhere near the place. ~Steven Wright, A Steven Wright Special, 1985,

Space is a never-ending race track. The thermal shock region on the prow of our solar system, for example, is screaming through the heavens at 490,000 miles an hour. Earth is hurtling round the sun at 67,000 miles an hour. God, it seems, is a complete speed freak. ~Top Gear, series 16, episode 6

Driving makes 100-horsepower bullies out of many. ~The Travelers Insurance Company, Thou Shalt Not Kill!, 1935

Let a woman be as false as she can, and able to fool her husband to the top of her bent, she is, compared with the man who wishes to sell you a horse, openness and truth itself. ~W. H. Hudson, The Purple Land, 1885 [A quote about car salesmen before cars existed! –tg]

The only way to solve the Traffic problems of this Country is to pass a law that only paid-for Cars are allowed to use the Highways. That would make traffic so scarce we could use our Boulevards for Children's play grounds. ~Will Rogers

Automobiling is a joy, sublime,
If you've enough gas and your tires are fine!
~Gertrude Tooley Buckingham, "Automobiling and Hiking," 1940s

We do not like modern motor vehicles, and we do not like motoring. But it is no use sitting in splendid isolation upon our hillside pontificating about the evils of this motorized age when there is no way of getting our hundredweight bag of cement up the hill. ~Elizabeth West, "The simple life, on a pittance," Hovel in the Hills: An Account of 'The Simple Life', 1977  [a little altered —tg]

Laziness is not a handicap — park somewhere else! ~Author unknown

STREET CARS  Just one jammed thing after another. ~Charles Wayland Towne, The Altogether New Foolish Dictionary, by Gideon Wurdz, 1914

All in favor of conserving gasoline, please raise your right foot. ~Author unknown

A motorcycle is okay until you hit gravel. ~Ernest Hemingway, as quoted in A. E. Hotchner, The Good Life According To Hemingway, 2008

Everything in life is somewhere else, and you get there in a car. ~E.B. White

The Lord Chief Justice of England recently said that the greater part of his judicial time was spent investigating collisions between propelled vehicles, each on its own side of the road, each sounding its horn and each stationary. ~Philip Guedalla, as quoted in The Reader's Digest, 1936

The number of automobiles in the country is increasing at a rate that makes one wonder if a car-less man will not soon be a curiosity. ~"Edlets," The Spatula: An Illustrated Magazine for Pharmacists, 1919

The ground is full of subway,
The air is full of El,
The streets are full of taxicab,
And I don't feel so well.
~W. T., "A Stranger in New York," 1926

...but his own vehicle had been a wreck of rust and nostalgia. ~Abby Geni, The Wildlands, 2018

Time, tide and trolleys wait for no man. ~"Poor Richard Junior's Philosophy," The Saturday Evening Post, 1903, George Horace Lorimer, editor

An old fellow of the ultra inquisitive order asked a little girl on board the train, who was sitting by her mother, as to her name, destination, &c. After learning that she was going to the City, he asked, "What motive is taking you thither, my dear?" "I believe they call it the locomotive, sir," was the reply. ~The New Joe Miller's Jest Book, Containing a Selection of the Most Laughter-Provoking Witticisms, Comicalities, Yankee Drolleries, Puns, Bon Mots, Repartees, &c., &c., &c., Ever Published, 1865

A freight train was clanking down the valley. It gave that long dissonant mournful cry of American trains, that sound which seems to light up for a second the immense distances and loneliness of that country. ~J. B. Priestley, Midnight on the Desert: A Chapter of Autobiography, 1917

For every "Drive Safely" sign, shouldn't there be a "Resume Normal Driving" sign? ~Robert Brault,

Four-way stops are strange inventions
That seem to bring out all our worst;
In spite of our best intentions,
We just can't wait to drive off first!
~William Arthur Ward (1921–1994)

Ah, yes — the ubiquitous highway "Text Stop." Formerly known as "Rest Stop. No Facilities." Useful for travelers starting to drip text into their pants. ~Robert Brault,, 2019

Gas — they call a liquid "gas." ~Jeremy Clarkson  [on Americans not calling gasoline "petrol" —tg]

Drive carefully enough for yourself and the other fellow too, because the chances are he isn't. ~Don Herold, "Brother, Can You Spare Five Minutes?," 1934

Don't argue with an 18-wheeler. ~Author unknown

Pig:  I'm afraid to carpool... I'm afraid the car will get trapped in a tunnel, and with all the people inside, I won't be able to get out.
Goat:  That's a very specific fear. Is there a name for it?
Pig:  Carpool tunnel syndrome.
~Stephan Pastis, Pearls Before Swine (comic strip), 2014,

My own system is to expect the world's prize idiot around every next corner... At the intersection, I always imagine the other intersecting artery filled with morons. And I slow down to offset their moronity with a double dose of my own sanity. ~Don Herold, "Brother, Can You Spare Five Minutes?," 1934

The hardest spot to find a parking place is usually in a one-car garage. ~20,000 Quips & Quotes, Evan Esar, 1968

There's the hub of this whole accident business. Probably nine-tenths of our automobile accidents are caused by people trying to save five minutes... If everybody in America would resolve to contribute five minutes a day to the cause of automobile safety, we could cut the death and accident toll in two. Five minutes a day. Brother, can you spare five minutes a day?... Five minutes a day will keep the ambulance away. ~Don Herold, "Brother, Can You Spare Five Minutes?," 1934

A little ordinary courtesy would help, also. We are usually pretty peaceful in our attitude towards our fellow man, but the minute we get behind a steering wheel, we seem to regard every man as our enemy. ~Don Herold, "Brother, Can You Spare Five Minutes?," 1934

Well, son, it's this way — unfortunately, increasin' th' hoss power don't increase th' hoss sense any. ~Gaar Williams, 1933

Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do. ~Jason Love

Speed Limit – A sign that tells you at what speed the car that's rapidly fading from view in your rearview mirror is going; a law that provides the sole means of support for many small-town police departments. ~Richard E. Turner (1937–2011), The Grammar Curmudgeon, a.k.a. "The Mudge," from "The Curmudgeon's Short Dictionary of Modern Phrases," c.2009,

Here lies the body of William Jay,
Who died maintaining his right of way.
He was right as he sped along,
But he's just as dead
As if he'd been wrong.
~Anonymous fan of Eddie Cantor, quoted in The Travelers Insurance Company, Thou Shalt Not Kill!, 1935

Your radiator's busted,
      And your dustpan's on the bum;
      Your gearshift's dry and rusted,
      And you cannot go or come...
Your windshield's broke, your starter's stuck,
      The rear-end lights won't burn;
      In fact, old top, you're out of luck
      And hardly worth a durn.
~"Your Radiator's Busted," in The "Wrecks" (An Anthology of Ribald Verse Collected at Reno), c.1933

For jaywalkers every year is leap year. ~Bill Holman, "Auto Suggestions," in The Travelers Insurance Company, Thou Shalt Not Kill!, 1935

Behind the wheel is one of the least likely places to have our faith in humanity restored. ~Terri Guillemets

He drives like a demon, even though
He hasn't a single place to go.
He cuts around when chances are slim—
Danger to others means naught to him.
~The Travelers Insurance Company, Thou Shalt Not Kill!, 1935

And I, I took the road less traveled by. I was using a GPS system. ~Robert Brault,

It finally happened. I got the GPS lady so confused, she said, "In one-quarter mile, make a legal stop and ask directions." ~Robert Brault,

Only a biker knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car window. ~Author unknown

      [T]hey both knew that the basis of her invariable reluctance about new cars was not thrift but sentiment. She simply could not endure the moment when the old one was driven away.
      As for cars, they were in a class apart, somewhere between furniture and dogs. It wasn't, with her, a question of the pathetic fallacy. She did not pretend to herself that cars had souls or even minds (though anybody, seeing the difference that can exist between one mass-produced car and another, might be excused for believing that they have at least some embryonic form of temperament). No, it was simply a matter of mise en scène. A car, nowadays, was such an integral part of one's life, provided the aural and visual accompaniment to so many of one's thoughts, feelings, conversations, decisions, that it had acquired at least the status of a room in one's house. To part from it, whatever its faults, was to lose a familiar piece of background.
      ~Jan Struther, Mrs. Miniver

Two-hundred forty horsepower isn't enough to move me anymore. Enough to move my body, yes, but not my soul. ~S.A. Sachs

Yes, Officer, I did see the speed limit sign. I just didn't see you. ~Author unknown

Driving a brand new car feels like riding around in an open billfold with dollars flapping by as they fly out the windows. ~Terri Guillemets, "What's new is already old," 1994

I feel like I am diagonally parked in a parallel universe. ~Author unknown

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Last saved 2023 Mar 01 Wed 21:58 PST