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Quotations about
Jobs & the Office
Kind words may be more than coronets, but they never seem quite so large as an increase in salary. ~"Poor Richard Junior's Philosophy," The Saturday Evening Post, 1903, George Horace Lorimer, editor
As a job seeker, remember this: You only lack experience if they want it done the same old way. ~Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com
If you have a job without any aggravations, you don't have a job. ~Malcolm S. Forbes
The day came slow, till five o'clock,
Then sprang before the hills
Like hindered rubies, or the light
A sudden musket spills...
~Emily Dickinson [Workin' 9 to 5!
Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work. ~Robert Orben, as quoted by The Reader's Digest, 1987
If a trainstation is where the train stops, what's a workstation? ~Author unknown
The number one sign you have nothing to do at work: The 4th Division of Paperclips has overrun the Pushpin Infantry and General White-Out has called for a new skirmish. ~Fred Barling, "Humorscope," unverified
Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work. ~John Garland Pollard (1871–1937)
Although I myself, due doubtless to defective skill, have to work pretty hard, I do not believe in too hard work... A life spent in constant labor is a life wasted, save a man be such a fool as to regard a fulsome obituary notice as ample reward. ~George Jean Nathan
Office picnic: When the boss goes on vacation. ~Arnold H. Glasow (1905–1999)
The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form. ~20,000 Quips & Quotes, Evan Esar, 1968
Time is an illusion, lunchtime doubly so. ~Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (radio), 1978
Look, if I'm gonna sneak out of work in the middle of the day, it better involve a margarita or a Cinnabon. ~The Middle, "A Tough Pill to Swallow," 2016, written by Rich Dahm [S8, E2, Frankie to Brick
Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties. ~Doug Larson, United Feature Syndicate, as quoted by The Reader's Digest, 1991
Self-raising flour is very good, so far as it goes, but what this world needs is self-raising salaries. ~Mary Wilson Little, Reveries of a Paragrapher, 1897
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job. ~Author unknown
First day of a new job — kind of kind of like a first date with your new career. ~Being Erica, "The Secret of Now," 2009, written by James Hurst
Researchers at Harvard say that taking a power nap for an hour in the afternoon can totally refresh you. They say by the time you wake up you'll feel so good, you'll be able to start looking for a new job. ~Jay Leno
I'm quitting to pursue my dream of not working here. ~Author unknown
If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be: "meetings." ~Dave Barry,
It is said that the world is run by those willing to sit until the end of meetings. ~Hugh Park, in Atlanta Journal, as quoted by The Reader's Digest, 1974
A baseball game is twice as much fun if you're seeing it on the company's time. ~William Feather, The Business of Life, 1949
...if a man love the labor of any trade, apart from any question of success or fame, the gods have called him... If you recognize in yourself some such decisive taste, there is no room for hesitation: follow your bent.... soon your every thought will be engrossed in that beloved occupation. ~Robert Louis Stevenson
My greatest ambition is to have a career without becoming a career woman. ~Audrey Hepburn (1929–1993)
Shapiro's Law of Reward: The one who does the least work will get the most credit. ~The Complete Murphy's Law: A Definitive Collection, Arthur Bloch, 1990
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire. ~Cannon's Cogent Comment, in John Peers, 1,001 Logical Laws..., 1979
The clerk who has to get out of a warm bed on a cold winter morning is thoroughly imbued with the idea that the office should seek the man. ~"Poor Richard Junior's Philosophy," The Saturday Evening Post, 1906, George Horace Lorimer, editor
It used to be difficult to get a good day's pay for a good day's work. Now the problem is to get a good day's work for a good day's pay. ~"Poor Richard Junior's Philosophy," The Saturday Evening Post, 1903, George Horace Lorimer, editor
You're no good unless you are a good assistant; and if you are, you're too good to be an assistant. ~Martin H. Fischer (1879–1962)
Corporations no longer try to fit square pegs into round holes; they just fit them into square cubicles. ~Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com
They pretend to pay us an honest wage and we pretend to do an honest day's work. ~Hungarian joke, c.1965
Ferguson sat at his rolltop desk, breathing semi-defiance and cigarette smoke at Cynthia. Every two seconds he broke off to hurl curses at some interrupter who knocked upon the door. Every half minute the telephone bell rang pitilessly. "Doesn't a job like mine make hell look silly?" he burst out. ~F. E. Baily, Dolf, 1921
If you say your job is something you "don't plan on doing forever," then why are you doing it now? ~Simon Sinek, Together is Better, 2016
Labor is saving, but drudgery has damned my soul, the task without the illumination. It eats at life. It devours the vitals. It leaves one insensate, save to weariness.... My hands are hard, but my soul is still in bondage.... I will be about my real task, that work that is a privilege, not an infliction, not a penance, — the work that I love, and the work that loves me! ~Muriel Strode (1875–1964), "A Soul's Faring: XIII," A Soul's Faring, 1921
The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao, until
You bring fresh toner.
~Bill Torcaso, 1998, honorable mention in the Haiku Error Messages 21st Challenge by Charlie Varon and Jim Rosenau, sponsored by Salon.com
There are no menial jobs, only menial attitudes. ~William J. Bennett, The Book of Virtues, 1993
Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar. ~Drew Carey
The economists call what you want to do, play; what you have to do, work. On that basis I've worked few days. ~Martin H. Fischer (1879–1962)
Find something you love to do and you'll never have to work a day in your life. ~Author unknown
It is well for the clerk to remember that the boss also used the old excuses when he was young. ~"Poor Richard Junior's Philosophy," The Saturday Evening Post, George Horace Lorimer, editor, as reprinted in Poor Richard Jr's Almanack, 1906
A man who thinks about business continually for eight hours is injuring his productive potential as much as he is abusing his body, cramping his mind, and ultimately losing his sense of humor and perspective... When work presses down most heavily, a
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a raise. ~Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com
Commuter — one who spends his life
In riding to and from his wife;
A man who shaves and takes a train,
And then rides back to shave again.
~E. B. White, "The Commuter," 1925
In our day... The employer paid as little as he could, and the worker got as much. It was not a pretty system ethically, I admit... ~Edward Bellamy, Looking Backward: 2000–1887, 1888 ["Our day" was 1887, but by Bellamy's utopian year 2000 the minimum wage and living wage issues were fully resolved.
Eventually the person who tries to fix the problem will be blamed for causing it. ~Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com
To kill time, a committee meeting is the perfect weapon. ~Fred Allen
In any given meeting
When all is said and done;
90% will be said—
10% will be done.
~Robert Orben, 2400 Jokes to Brighten Your Speeches, 1984
This meeting could have been an
A motion to adjourn is always in order. ~Robert A. Heinlein (1907–1988)
If you are the boss it's wise to remember that there are lots of things you don't know and lots of people who hope you won't find out. ~Michael Josephson, whatwillmatter.com
Heatherlegh is the dearest doctor that ever was... He says that more men are killed by overwork than the importance of the world justifies. ~Rudyard Kipling
Work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion. ~C. Northcote Parkinson, 1958
Thank you paper clips, for being like staples that can't commit. ~Jimmy Fallon
Coffice: a café that a customer uses as a place in which to conduct business. ~Author unknown
Today's Parenting Tip: Treat a difficult child the way you would your boss at work. Praise his achievements, ignore his tantrums and resist the urge to sit him down and explain to him how his brain is not yet fully developed. ~Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com
One of the symptoms of approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important and that to take a holiday would bring all kinds of disaster. If I were a medical man, I should prescribe a holiday to any patient who considered his work important. ~Bertrand Russell, "Causes of Unhappiness: Fatigue," The Conquest of Happiness, 1930
...if you don't like your job, you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way. ~The Simpsons, "The PTA Disbands," 1995, written by Jennifer Crittenden and Richard Appel [S6, E21, Homer]
The three little sentences that will get you through life — Number one: "Cover for me." Number two: "Oh, good idea, Boss!" Number three: "It was like that when I got here." ~The Simpsons, "One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish," 1991, written by Nell Scovell
I've used up all my sick days so I'm calling in dead. ~Author unknown
Evening, and home I go, commuting from a world that won't listen to a world that has heard it a thousand times. ~Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com
He had to spend his evenings bruising two fingers on a typewriter, making out reports in duplicate, triplicate, infinity, and confusion. ~Federal Works Agency Work Projects Administration, Montana: A State Guide Book
I hate you.
I hate this place.
See you tomorrow.
~Author unknown, as seen on a cubicle sign
The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does. ~Author unknown
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Last saved 2023 Mar 03 Fri 22:08 PST