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Quotations about Marriage

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What a happy and holy fashion it is that those who love one another should rest on the same pillow. ~Nathaniel Hawthorne

The older I get, the less time I want to spend with the part of the human race that didn't marry me. ~Robert Brault,

What greater thing is there for two human souls, than to feel that they are joined for life — to strengthen each other in all labour, to rest on each other in all sorrow, to minister to each other in all pain, to be one with each other in silent unspeakable memories at the moment of the last parting? ~George Eliot (1819–1880), Adam Bede, 1859

I know that marriage is a legal and religious alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut and a woman who can't sleep with the window open. ~Ogden Nash, "A Definition of Marriage," 1948

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966, © Thomas Paine McLaughlin

Two things are owed to truthfulness — lasting marriages and short friendships. ~Robert Brault,

Consider the standard two-person married couple, and consider them, for a moment, not as a bastion of heterosexuality or a living witness to Jesus or any other such high-minded abstraction. Rather, consider them in relation to what Karl Marx would have called the "realm of commodities" and George Carlin would call "their stuff." They will possess, at least if they are affluent enough to matter to the economy at all, one VCR, one microwave oven, one electric knife sharpener, one stationary bicycle, and, of course, one house or apartment. Among other things too numerous to mention. The point is, they will share a VCR, a microwave oven, etc. This is not a matter of ideology or even personal inclination. It is practically the definition of marriage: marriage is socialism among two people. ~Barbara Ehrenreich, "Socialism In One Household," Mother Jones, January 1987

If you made a list of the reasons why any couple got married, and another list of the reasons for their divorce, you'd have a hell of a lot of overlapping. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1963

After the chills and fever of love, how nice is the 98.6° of marriage! ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1963

Her reception of me was sweet and tender... Now that I was assured of her love for me, and since I had called her my wife, my love lost its element of anxiety. It is this security which marks the difference of a husband's love from that of a lover; doubt is an element of passion, but not of true conjugal love. ~Bram Stoker, The Mystery of the Sea, 1902

...the two biggest little words in the English language, "I DO!" ~James Vincent, Space Traveler: A Musician's Odyssey, 2003

Love is a flower which turns into fruit at marriage. ~Finnish proverb

Ah, dearest, we have poured our love at each other's feet, and the incense of our sacred happiness must have arisen to the throne of God. What perfect companionship has been ours! What glorious sport in surmounting each difficulty as it arose together. You are mine, and I love you. ~Laura L. Livingstone (Herbert Dickinson Ward), Lauriel: The Love Letters of an American Girl, 1901

Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century. ~Mark Twain

Matrimony — the high sea for which no compass has yet been invented. ~Heinrich Heine, "Musical Notes from Paris," translated from German by John Snodgrass

The union of hearts and hands in holy wedlock has given birth to many luminous poetic effusions. The briefest exposition we remember to have seen, is the following, which was doubtless intended merely as a love-missive between two ardent souls, whose elective affinities — if spirits may commingle — resolved themselves into a perfect spiritual amalgamation. Says our love-sick swain:
"My heart to you is given,
Oh, do give yours to me;
We'll lock them up together,
And throw away the key."
~Frederick Saunders, Salad for the Solitary, 1853

Just as Amy and Jay had for decades slept nude together, inhaling each other's odors, her hands familiar with the man's body hair. Even her face creams and his night grunts would have entered into it. And shared cakes of soap and clothes closets and dinners — such a complex of intimacies. ~Saul Bellow (1915–2005), The Actual, 1997

You have to treat your wife like you treated her when you first met her and were trying to get her in bed. ~Alice Cooper, interview with Cal Fussman, 2008 August 2nd, for Esquire's January 2009 eighth annual Meaning of Life issue

A billion love stories are being enacted into matrimony during each generation... ~George Fitch, "Cupid vs. Geography," 1915

It's a nasty divorce when they can't agree on how to divvy up the His and Hers towels. ~Robert Brault,

Pity all newlyweds. She cooks something nice for him, and he brings her flowers, and they kiss and think: How easy marriage is. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1963

Man does not live by getting married. ~Student at Brookside School, Long Island, 1966, completing the first part of the proverb as given by Candid Camera, CBS

A perfect marriage is one in which "I'm sorry" is said just often enough. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1963

Many marriages are simply working partnerships between businessmen and housekeepers. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1963

It is not for the fresh cheek, the full lip, the fair forehead, the parted sweeps of sunny hair, and the girlish charm of form and features, that we love the wives who have walked hand in hand with us for years, but for new graces, opening each morning like flowers in the parterre, their predecessors having accomplished their beautiful mission and gone to seed. Old love renewed again, through new motives to love, is certainly a thing lovely in itself, and desirable by all whose ambition and happiness it is to sit supreme in a single heart... ~Timothy Titcomb (Josiah Gilbert Holland), Gold-foil: Hammered from Popular Proverbs

I think we both want to be as nearly one as a man and a woman can be — flesh of each other's flesh, and bone of bone, and soul of soul. ~Bram Stoker, The Mystery of the Sea, 1902

Husbands are things that wives have to get used to putting up with,
And with whom they breakfast with and sup with...
And when it's a question of walking five miles to play golf they are very energetic but if it's doing anything useful around the house they are very lethargic,
And then they tell you that women are unreasonable and don't know anything about logic...
And they never want to get up or go to bed at the same time as you do...
~Ogden Nash (1902–1971), "What Almost Every Woman Knows Sooner or Later"

So I began to think maybe it was true that when you were married and had children it was like being brainwashed, and afterward you went about as numb as a slave in a totalitarian state. ~Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar, 1963

Getting a husband is easy enough; keeping one is what requires genius. ~"Poor Richard Junior's Philosophy," The Saturday Evening Post, 1906, George Horace Lorimer, editor

I cannot stretch my imagination to believe that [he] is the most beautiful person in the world. I know him to be compounded of bad habits, weaknesses, irritabilities, irritancies. But he pleases me. He is a superb comrade. He amuses me: the first requirement of a husband. He heightens my sense of life. He opens a future for me, so that for the first time in years, I dream of tomorrow, as well as enjoy today. Thus, he gives me back a gift of youth. I like him, enormously, amusedly. I admire him, immensely and impersonally. I am absurdly happy in a quite head-on-my-shoulders sort of way. ~Dorothy Thompson, letter to Rose Wilder Lane, 1928, edited by William V. Holtz  ["He" being her second husband, Sinclair Lewis. —tg]

A dog is much like a married man, obeying his master's voice for the sake of his master's touch. ~Robert Brault,

Our Sweethearts
Our Wives
~Herbert Dickinson Ward, Lauriel: The Love Letters of an American Girl, 1901

It is easy to mistake being ready for a wedding with being ready for marriage. ~Robert Brault,

Marriage isn't all that it's cracked up to be. Let me tell you, honestly. Marriage is probably the chief cause of divorce. ~Larry Gelbart, M*A*S*H, "Bulletin Board," original airdate 14 January 1975, spoken by the character Frank Burns

Marry someone who looks sexy while disappointed. ~"Phil's-osophy" by Phil Dunphy (Christopher Lloyd, Steven Levitan, and Dan O'Shannon, Modern Family, "Schooled," original airdate 2012 Oct 10)

HUSBAND  From Eng. hussy, woman, and bone, tie. Tied to a woman. ~Charles Wayland Towne, The Foolish Dictionary, Executed by Gideon Wurdz, Master of Pholly, Doctor of Loquacious Lunacy, etc., 1904

One thing you learn in a long marriage is how many sneezes to wait before saying, "Bless you." ~Robert Brault,

Before marriage figures of speech and real flowers will do; after marriage real figures and flowers of speech are the thing. ~"Poor Richard Junior's Philosophy," The Saturday Evening Post, 1904, George Horace Lorimer, editor

Like my vodka, my marriage is on the rocks. ~Craig D. Slovak

A woman ought to look up to her husband, if only a half-inch. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1963

Men never know how tired they are till their wives sit them down for a nice long talk. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1963

[M]en are April when they woo, December when they wed: maids are May when they are maids, but the sky changes when they are wives. ~William Shakespeare, As You Like It, c.1599  [IV, 1, Rosalind]

Most marriages can survive "better or worse." The tester is all the years of "exactly the same." ~Robert Brault,

If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws. ~Author unknown

As a general guideline, never marry anyone that you can't picture helping you go to the bathroom. ~Robert Brault,

...setting aside popular twaddle on the eternal sanctity of the marriage-tie and all that... ~John Hill, The Waters of Marah, 1883

The marriage of convenience has this to recommend it: we are better judges of convenience than we are of love. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1963

What we love about love is the fever, which marriage puts to bed and cures. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1963

Marriage is nature's way of ensuring that a woman picks up some mothering experience before she has her first child. ~Robert Brault,

He was doubtless an understanding Fellow that said, there was no happy Marriage but betwixt a blind Wife and a deaf Husband. ~Michel de Montaigne, "Upon Some Verses of Virgil"

Let's be a comfortable couple and take care of each other... how glad we shall be that we have somebody we are fond of always to talk to and sit with! ~Charles Dickens, Nicholas Nickleby, 1839

People make mistakes, — that's why God invented divorce. ~Mistresses, "Lean In" [S4, E5, 2016], written by Rina Mimoun

As a man, I've learned that there is nothing easier in married life than pleasing your wife with your cooking. ~Robert Brault,

The music at a marriage procession always reminds me of the music of soldiers entering on a battle. ~Heinrich Heine, "Thoughts and Fancies," translated from German by John Snodgrass

Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity. ~Author unknown

LOVE, n.  A temporary insanity curable by marriage... ~Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary, 1911

The Delights of Wisdom concerning Conjugial Love: After Which Follow the Pleasures of Insanity... ~Emanuel Swedenborg, title of 1768 book, translated from the Latin  [Just a little truncated silliness. Please note this is not used as intended, and I chopped off the end of the title ("concerning scortatory love"). And 'conjugial' means marriage. —tεᖇᖇ¡·g]

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