The Quote Garden
 “I dig old books.”
 Est. 1998

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Quotations about Pie

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NOTE:  Some of the quotes on this page were submitted to me by visitors, and not all have been verified for original source or wording. I'm working hard to confirm everything, but in the meantime please be aware of the possibility for errors.   —ღ Terri, March 2021

A boy doesn't have to go to war to be a hero; he can say he doesn't like pie when he sees there isn't enough to go around. ~E.W. Howe

I don't think a really good pie can be made without a dozen or so children peeking over your shoulder as you stoop to look in at it every little while. ~John Gould

I'll obey them in the winter when the doctors say to me
I must give up ham and spinach, and obedient I'll be.
To relieve my indigestion in December they can try,
But there's none of them can stop me when it's time for cherry pie.
~Edgar A. Guest, The Milwaukee Journal, 1935 May 29th

There's no diet list I'll follow that would rule out cherry pie. ~Edgar A. Guest, The Milwaukee Journal, 1935 May 29th

Promises and pie-crust are made to be broken. ~Jonathan Swift

Do you really want to know "whether oatmeal is preferable to pie as an American national food"? I suppose the best answer I can give to your question is to tell you what is my own practice. Oatmeal in the morning, as an architect lays a bed of concrete to form a base for his superstructure. Pie when I can get it... ~Oliver Wendell Holmes, in The Atlantic Monthly, July 1890

But I, when I undress me
Each night, upon my knees
Will ask the Lord to bless me
With apple-pie and cheese.
~Eugene Field

The doctor says that pies are harmful, I must eat them no more; and that is why they seem to charmful I'd like to eat a score. Before me there are wholesome vittles that I may safely try; I'll have of them no jots or tittles, my system shrieks for pie. ~Walt Mason (1862–1939), "Perversity"

To make an apple pie, you need wheat, apples, a pinch of this and that, and the heat of an oven. The ingredients are made of molecules, which in turn, are made of atoms. Except for hydrogen, the atoms are made in stars. A star is a kind of cosmic kitchen inside which atoms of hydrogen are cooked into heavier atoms. The hydrogen was made in the Big Bang, the explosion that began the Cosmos. If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent the universe. ~Carl Sagan, Cosmos, 1980  [a little altered —tg]

Pie and coffee is approximately the third best social interaction a man can hope to have with a woman. ~Author Unknown

Pie... it fills the cracks of the heart. Go away, pain! ~Kevin James, Mall Cop

When you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick, but if it's not, ummmm, boy. ~Jack Handey, Deeper Thoughts, 1993,

One little thing can revive a guy
And that is a piece of rhubarb pie
Serve it up, nice and hot
Maybe things aren't as bad as you thought.
~Bebopareebop Rhubarb Pie, "sponsor" of A Prairie Home Companion with Garrison Keillor

There is a very odd prejudice against pie as an article of diet. It is common to hear every form of bodily degeneracy and infirmity attributed to this particular favorite food. I see no reason or sense in it. Mr. Emerson believed in pie, and was almost indignant when a fellow-traveller refused the slice offered him... If every Green Mountain boy has not eaten a thousands times his weight in apple, pumpkin, squash, and mince pie, call me a dumpling. And Colonel Ethan Allen was one of them, — Ethan Allen, who, as they used to say, could wrench off the head of a wrought nail with his teeth. ~Oliver Wendell Holmes, in The Atlantic Monthly, July 1890

...we must have a pie. Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie... It casts out stress as the heat of the hand repels quicksilver... Keep you your precious vapors, your fantods, your anxiety. Give me a pie. Give me a pie anyday. ~David Mamet, Boston Marriage

The market is full of delights in July:
Fresh vegetables, berries, red cherries for pie!
~Louise Bennett Weaver and Helen Cowles LeCron, "July," A Thousand Ways to Please a Husband with Bettina's Best Recipes, 1917

New England's diet line... journeying towards the White Mountains, a line passing through Bellows Falls, and bending a little south on either side, would mark northward the region of perpetual pie. In this region pie is to be found at all hours and seasons, and at every meal... The absence of pie would be more noticed than a scarcity of Bible even. ~Charles Dudley Warner, Backlog Studies, 1873  [a little altered —tg]

Give an American a newspaper and a pie and he will make himself comfortable anywhere. ~Ambrose Bierce

Apple-tree, apple-tree, crowned with delight,
Give me your fruit for a pie if you will;—
Crusty I'll make it, and juicy and light!—
Give me your treasure to mate with my skill!
~Louise Bennett Weaver and Helen Cowles LeCron, "September," A Thousand Ways to Please a Husband with Bettina's Best Recipes, 1917

Pessimism is as American as apple pie — frozen apple pie with a slice of processed cheese. ~ George F. Will

You can say this for ready-mixes — the next generation isn't going to have any trouble making pies exactly like mother used to make. ~Earl Wilson

Pie is a shorter word than indigestion, but it gets there just the same. ~"Poor Richard Junior's Philosophy," The Saturday Evening Post, 1906, George Horace Lorimer, editor

[P]ie... the secret of our strength as a nation and the foundation of our industrial supremacy... ~"Editorial Comment: Hints in Gastronomy," Current Literature: A Magazine of Contemporary Record, June 1902

Pie is the American synonym of prosperity and its varying contents the calendar of the changing seasons. Pie is the food of the heroic. No pie-eating people can ever be permanently vanquished. It is a significant historical fact that England's glory was greatest in the days when her gallant sons ate pie.... True, there are doctors who preach against the pie habit and who profess to search for an antitoxin for the extinction of the pie microbe; but no one has ever known a doctor to refuse a second piece of pie. ~New York Times, 1902 May 3rd

In our own glad and fortunate country the seasons are known by their respective dominant pies—for each there is an appropriate pie, with apple pie for all the year round.... The perfect days of June welcome the lip-painting berry pies.... Then, as nature paints the forests with her magic brush, comes in the golden glory of the year, the royal pumpkin pie! ~New York Times, 1902 May 3rd

A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie. ~Tenneva Jordan

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